Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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