just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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