new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
