You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Randomize
