My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
