Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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