I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
