Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize