my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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