i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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