it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
