Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
