I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
