Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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