Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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