Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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