Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
