i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
