I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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