Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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