rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
