so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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