Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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