K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
