Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
