Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
