I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
