he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
