Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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