You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
