I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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