no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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