Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
