I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
