there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
