I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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