My brain says no but my pants say off.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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