what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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