im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
third nipple confirmed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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