Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
