I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
