me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
