shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My hand turned me down
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
