I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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