4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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