i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
