we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
