Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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