Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Rumble strips road head = magical
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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