id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
