I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
