just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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