Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
tell me about the fingering
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