Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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