dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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