And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
