hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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