i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
