just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
