do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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