how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize