I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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