Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
