I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
