I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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