We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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