I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
