this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
