i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
