She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
